Self.

This is an old one...

This is me now,

whole and incomplete.

Still wandering in this foreign place.

I am not who I was

and I am not who I am.

I am not who I will be.

I am somewhere in the center,

searching through tangled vines

and pathways crisscrossing ways.

I do not know which way to go,

to be where I should.

I can see my life spread before me,

along the darkened sky.

I can see where I want to be,

but something keeps holding me,

reminding me of my faults

and pushing me away.

Pushing through I am trying,

to reach my oasis.

And be the person I want to be,

complete in life and love.

I don’t want to wander any longer,

I want to settle

and rejoice in the life I am meant for.

This is me now,

wanting something different from what I have.

Writing.

I added a new quote to my profile sometime today. It's one I stumbled across in all my research for my Walt Whitman paper.

"Either define the moment or the moment will define you." -Walt Whitman

I used to hate Whitman. Really hate him. Mostly because I was a sophomore in high school and my teacher forced "Song of Myself" on us and told us to recreate Whitman's poem in our own words. Needless to say, none of us understood the assignment, and simply spouted out meaningless babble in long exaggerated phrases, because to us, that's what the poem looked like. Junk.

When i saw that we were reading Whitman for my class, I was like, "Gosh darn it, I hate him." Yeah, well, i got over it. Whitman is actually quite wonderful and I'm here to tell you why you need to read "Song of Myself" (just make sure its the 1892 death-bed version, because it's the best one).

Emerson wrote an essay called "The Poet" talking about how the American people were in need of a distinguished voice. This person, the poet, would eventually encompass all of American soceity and become it, giving voice to every American voice, every American thought through his work. Quite a large task, but Whitman decided to take it on and attempt to write something that would achieve Emerson's will.

He did that, or tried to in Leaves of Grass, and more noticeably in "Song of Myself." The poem recites passage after passage, line after line trying to give voice to all emotions an American, a human being can feel. When I was reading it for my class, I became absorbed in it, wondering how he felt, writing his words and knowing that they would either speak the way he wanted them to, or simply fail and fall flat.

Like he said, "Define the moment." His moment was taking on Emerson's challenge and succeeding, or at least we all hail him as Emerson's poet (at least literary scholars do, and me). His role was defined, because he choose to define it. Had he not, would another have stepped in his place to write the way Emerson called for? Or not? Would we even care about the essay Emerson wrote and his challenge to any writers who wished to take it on? No. No one would even know about the essay if Whitman hadn't decided to do it. Therefore, he defined his destiny and didn't it let him control him.

This is why he's one of my new heroes. I can sit here on my own computer, technology in hand and know that i cannot write something as eloquent and as beautiful and as simple as him, because I have not seized that moment and held onto that feeling for more than a moment. Instead, I let the larger scheme of things, my insecurities, my feelings of failure, overcome my own ambitions.

I believe I have some level of talent in my writing. I know that if I devoted all my time to it, I could be successful with it. It only takes my full committment to it for me to succeed.

My best writing comes from when i completely lose myself in it. In the first night I stayed up to write, it wasn't because I meant to. My fingers kept going, and my brain stayed focused for 3 or 4 hours at a time, forcing me to spit it all out. i had no sense of time, of exhaustion and just kept going because I had to get it out. Was this how Whitman felt? I hope so.

In no way will I ever be like Whitman, ever gain that level of infamy and honor. But i can try. I have enough life experience to put into it, I'm well read, and I care enough to share my words with everyone else.

So what is my moment? I have no idea. Maybe I'll know the moment when it comes and knocks me over the head. But i think it's going to come, and I am going to define it, harness it, and make something of myself, because I can. I have a long way to go, to acheive anything, but if I keep trying, forcing myself to write and work at it, it'll happen. Because I want it to. And because I know it will.

You might think that this was a pointless bunch of babble, but I don't. I take that quote literally and when my moment comes, I'm taking it. Just wait, one day you'll see my name on the bestsellers list. I guarantee it.

What's your moment?

It all ends eventually.

I never wrote a post in excitement after i won NaNo at midnight November 30th. It makes me sad. So, for anyone completely out of the loop, I won. Somehow, by some miracle, I won and managed to pump out over 20,000 words on the 30th to win. I amaze even myself. ;) My goal is to actually finish it over break, after I relax a little. I also want to finish the novel from LAST november, as it only has a couple more chapters to go until its complete (maybe 3?). I am just proud of myself for winning 2 years in a row when I all but gave up this year on monday night when I realized how overwhelming the week was going to be, and I had 20,000 to go. Since then, i haven't had a moment to myself to even let it soak in. I have been swamped with work for my classes and writing papers like a fiend.

With all the stress, I surprised myself by getting a 3.9 on my final Eng 310C paper, which was the highlight of my schoolwork for the semester. It's like the pinacle of my success! I think that I am more proud of that paper, than of any other I have written. It's good. The professor even wrote, "outstanding" as his first comment. After the class when i got it back, he told me it was good scholarly work and he was proud of me. Yes, I know I am awesome. ;)

I also got back my research paper for my Mexican history class. hehehe. funny story there. I basically started crying and having a panic attack the night before it was due and freaked out about it. Ask Vicky, it was bad. I got it back Thursday and he announced that the class average was a 5/10. me? oh, i got an 8.5/10. Oh, and it had to be at least 10 pages, mine was only 9 1/2. hahaha. It's nice to know I can turn in what i think is crap and still do well. It really makes me wonder what those people wrote who got under a 5. It must have been horrible! :) (I promise i am really not this cocky and stuck-up, its just been a rough 2 weeks for me school-wise and this is how I am getting it all out).

Another good thing that's happened is my position in the house. I am really excited to dive in, but also kind of nervous. Hopefully it'll push me and help me grow in ways I haven't before. I just hope I do a good job and give it all I can.

And now, I'm turning to my finals after pumping out another 8 page paper. Let's reflect a moment...Since last Tuesday night I have written an 11 page paper for my 310C class, an 8 page paper for Shakespeare, 20000 words for NaNo, a 9 page research paper, a 2 page reflection paper for my ENG 230 class, and today's 8 page paper for ENG 230. Seriously, I am DONE. But, i still have my final to write for 310C and 2 essay exams. *sigh* I am a writing dynamo. Even though I am severly burnt out...I cannot wait to go home on Wednesday and SLEEP.

Speaking of sleep. I think I have MAYBE gotten 3 nights of sleep this last month that were over 6 hours. I am deprived....

My finals next week also suck. I have 230 on Monday night from 8-10. Then Shakespeare Tuesday monring from 10-12. My ENG 310C paper due at 2, and then my HST exam from 5:45-7:45. I'm going to die. So, I shall be holed up in my room until Monday night when I venture out into the frigid cold to take that first exam. ew.

Anyway, that's all I have. So yipee for that! (and for those of you still in college, good luck on finals).

-allie-

Ten More Days....

Ten more days till Nano is over and i only have 28,000 words. I suck at life.

Anyway, my mom's surgery is tomorrow morning. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers please.

Weeks go by...

let's not talk about NaNo. It depresses me.

My mom's surgery is in a week. I hope and pray that this time it works. Keep her in your thoughts, ecspecially next Monday.

My Favorite Excerpts Thus Far:

"In the silence of the night I am free to be who I want. No one can see me, hear me breathe. Out here, in the black, I am simply myself, breathing in the air and wondering what else is out there. What's beyond the borders of all this? What's beyond the farthest point I can see? What is hiding in the black, waiting for me to stumble across it?" My eyes watched his shadow as he walked towards me. I felt his hands on my face and I closed my eyes, feeling the night, feeling him.

This is why I am falling for you Rosalind. You speak words...they fall like rain from your mouth. No one is like you. And deep down it scares me." I sank into his arms, holding him tight.

It scares me too.

“I will help make you remember who you are.” She sat in silence for a long time, her face dry and turned towards the mountains. I sat beside her and wrapped my jacket over her shoulders, hoping it was enough to block the cold from the wind as it roared past us. Long strands of hair were waving behind her and she closed her eyes, breathing deeply. “Do you disappear when you do that?”

“I pretend to.” Opening her eyes, she turned to me. “I wish the wind would pick me up and take me away sometimes.”

“I do too.” I smiled and brushed a strand of hair back from her cheek.

“Then maybe you do know me.” A half smile appeared briefly as she turned back to the mountains.

We sat that way for a long time, until the orange and yellow began to appear in the east and she stopped shivering from the wind. I think she became a part of it then, and allowed the cold to sink deep into her bones, freezing her into a statue. I watched her for a long time, seeing her face solid, but her eyes go away. Far away to a place I couldn’t see, but I knew was there, because she could see it in her mind.

She disappeared into the night and I wandered over to my loom. I let the candle lantern on the small table near it and began. I was using blues, greens, and whites to make myself a blanket for the winter. I lost myself in it, creating something and becoming a part of it. I captured the essence of the mountains in the long lines I created with the green and the criss-crossing strands of light and dark blue. The candlelight flickered against the rough logs of the wall, bouncing in every direction and making the colors jump and dance across the threads I wove. I heard Rebekah come in, but said nothing as I continued to weave the blue and green together, making them mold together to form something meaningful

It wasn’t until the candle burned low so I couldn’t see the colors apart from another and the fire turned to ember that I stopped. Rebekah was sleeping, her breathing even and deep, lulling me to climb into my own bed on the straw mattress. I wrapped myself up in my own blanket and snuggled deep into its warmth, wishing for sleep to come to me. I lay there a long time, watching the stars climb through the speckled glass pane of the window and listening to the wind howling past us.

My sister has always intrigued me. I knew when I was very young that she was somehow different than the rest of us. She would wander aimlessly for hours as a teenager. I would follow her sometimes, making sure she didn’t know I was there. There was a place she liked to go, before they died. It was deep in the Northern Forest, hidden by the thick trunks and branches lying across the forest floor. She would sit for many hours, her eyes closed, just breathing in her quiet way. I knew she wasn’t asleep, she simply liked to sit and think, pondering her life, or whatever it was she deemed important enough to escape from town for hours.

They knew she would be a weaver from the start. Father told me that mother had brought home a loom from the building and taught Rosalind to weave when she was five. Since then, it was given that would be the place she would fit. When the female council placed her there when she was finished with school, no one was surprised. Her weaving skills are legendary and every home has at least one piece done by her. She’s different in that way too. Rather than sticking to the normal patterns, she sits and sees things on the loom, then creates them out of the woolen yarn she is given. I like to watch her sometimes, as she takes the colored string and paints a picture in her own way. I think people are jealous of her, and also a little scared. Rosalind is different.

When Father died, and Grandmother and Grandfather too, she stopped going to the forest. She stopped weaving for a long time, until she realized that without her blankets and clothes, we would all freeze. She would then weave long into the winter nights, burning candles as she went and whispering to herself. She took good care of me, as I was a lot younger then. She cooked and cleaned and volunteered to work hard in town, to keep herself busy. I think she did it to forget the pain of losing everyone around her, except for me.

I know now why she continues to push herself so hard. She wants to be a mother to me, which she is in many cases. But she is my sister, and I love her for what she does for me. But still, people talk. I can hear them whispering when I walk through town. Sometimes people don’t realize I’m related to her. We look little alike, with her mossy brown hair, and my blonde hair. We have the same eyes though, the dark blue that Angeline says reminds her of the sky on a crystal clear day. She is thin and frail, whereas I round out in all the right places. Maybe because of our physical differences people don’t realize who I am until its too late. But I always hear.

motivate me

Someone give me a good kick in the butt and motivate me, please.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Nothing like South Park to make me want to write. :)

Needless to say, I haven't written anything, since I stayed up until 6:30 in the morning last week writing and got up to my almost 12,000 words, which look pitiful now. People have already written their 50,000 words on the site. A user by the name of "God" has written 200,000 or so he claims.

Anyway, I looked over my schedule for the month of November. It was enough to make me cry. Almost. I am a busy girl. So, I decided to make some new goals, based off how my first three chapters turned out, and my school schedule.

My 50,000 word goal is hopefully going to be reached by November 18th. That is in 12 days, including today. Very doable. That gives me...12 days to gain another 20,000 and hit my overall goal os 70,000. Not so doable.

The week after we get back from Thanksgiving, i have three papers due, one on Tuesday, one on Wednesday, and one on Thursday. They are 8, 10, and 12 pages respectively. Hmmm. Along with the fact that my mom is getting her back surgery Thanksgiving week and I will be home, I hope to just simply write those three papers. So come november 30, for sure i will have the 50,000 to win, I just might not reach my personal goal.

There was also the goal of finishing the novel. At the rate the story is progressing, I doubt it. I'm guessing that overall its going to need 150,000-200,000 words to complete. I don't have that time. But it will be likely I'll finish it over Christmas break. And I will, because I'm going to make myself.

*sigh* So that's the update. And off i go to read a book I need to write a paper on for tomorrow. :)

-allie-

Day One:

i originally thought I wouldn't have time to write anything for the novel today. But, i got some major motivation last night and wrote my english paper that I was stressing over. The upside to that was I got to send it to him and he wrote me comments! yay! Overall, it was a good paper, or so he said, and I only need to change a few things. woo-hoo to that!

So vicky came down at 5ish and we went down to dinner. I got some major inspiration and unfortunately, she's just getting some...maybe... So, she's sitting on my futon clicking away as I write this. One chapter done tonight, and I am way excited.

The beginning will need work, but I am happy where its going. And of course, as I keep telling Vicky, this is simply a draft. Many edits and rewrites will come soon. I sometimes have to resist the urge to go back and change something. So i don't.

Anyways, the grand total for about 2 or so hours of writing was 4,615 words. It's about 8 page single spaced. Woo-hoo to me!

I'm not going to post chapters, but I will post snippets. this is from Rosalind's point of view:

I excused myself and walk to the edge of the crowd. The dark man had disappeared again. People were celebrating, and people were also drained in sadness over Richard’s death. As I watched, I felt the wind stir and rustle through my skirts. I held them tight and wound another hand into my hair. It was long and tangled, but I liked to feel it flow in the air and lift in freedom from my scalp. I closed my eyes again and breathed in deeply. The icy smell was harsher and tingled deep down into my throat.

“Keep your eyes closed.” His voice came from behind me, from within the darkness.

“Who are you?” My own voice sounded scared.

“You’ll find out sometime. Why do you sound afraid?” His voice gentled and I felt a hand rest on my hip. It wasn’t the awkward touch I felt from Cain, or harsh. It fit there.

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t talk to strange men.”

“I promise I’m not strange. Tell me what you smell.” I kept my eyes close tightly and inhaled deeply. I could smell him, the smell of a man who worked hard and struggled. Over his scent, I could smell the icy air, and the smell of the town.

“I smell our lives.” Again, I blushed, embarrassed by my own feelings. No one spoke this way, except for me. It always made me awkward and unsure.

“Don’t blush for speaking your feelings. You are who you are.” His mouth was against my ear and his breath brushed it gently. I shivered slightly and breathed slowly, calming my heartbeat. Who was this man….

I opened my eyes and turned around. He was gone again, but I smiled. There was someone who understood me, and didn’t laugh at my emotion. I knew no one like that.

Here We Go!

NaNo started at midnight. And unfortunately, I'm not going to be writing until Wednesday night at the earliest. Drat.

I put a counter in my profile. And I am raring to go. Okay...I've been ready for this since August. Now that November is finally here, let's hope I can do it. Cheer for me. Lots. Vicky too.

Oh, i am also shooting for 70,000 words as a personal goal this year. let's see if I can make it. And i want to finish the thing.

Look here for snippets in the future. :)

I am so ready for this.

-allie-

Window to Darkness

Yeah, thats the title I chose.

There are only 6 days to go, and yes, I am uber-excited. So sue me.

I choose my plot. But i'm going to wait to post the first chapter until i explain it.

It's going to be awesome, simply awesome.

I hope.

NaNoWriMo

I signed up for this year's NaNoWriMo earlier this week. (NaNoWriMo=National Novel Writing Month). It starts November first and I am ready to go.

This year will definately be better. I know what i need to do, how much I need to write and I am very excited. According to the rules, you have to have 50,000 words by midnight on the last day of november. You send it in, and they count your words to see if you've won. I did win last year, with over 50,200 words total. The novel itself still isn't finished, but I came farther than I ever would have on my own.

This year, I decided to up the challenge. I'm shooting for a personal goal of 70,000 words, and a goal to actually complete the novel. Of course this means many hours sitting in front of my computer. Luckily, November is actually pretty clear of papers and exams, which works out wonderfully for me. More time to write!

I am stuck on a plot idea. I was entertaining a novel based around the four major elements (air, fire, water and earth) but have since decided that its not as entertaining as I thought it was. Plus, I was having a hard time coming up with a plot thats not overdone, not cheesy, and wouldn't make my head spin with scientific jargon.

I do have the plotline from an idea that I have worked on in the past. I have a prologue and 4 chapters done. Since i only like the prologue and the first chapter, I could simply finish it, and not count the first two parts toward the final novel I'll submit.

I could also come up with a new plot, which is what i did last year. Last year, i simply sat down, and started writing the novel, with no idea what it was going to be about, who the characters were, nothing. It turned out alright, but there were times I wanted to shoot myself and the characters. It was complicated, because I had no idea what the book was ABOUT until I got to just before the climax. Then i was at my 50,000 words and stopped writing because I was burned out. I don't want another repeat of that this year. While it was fun to come up with the plot-line on the spot, its not intriguing, some of it is cliche, and it sucks (or at least i think it does, because no one has read past chapter 11 and I have).

I also have one story idea I have been entertaining since my freshman English class with Goodson. he actually inspired the other story I mentioned above too. It involves communal living, and the world set in the future. Think "The Giver" but not so nice, not so happy, with color, and involving more science fiction elements. It's do-able and I like the idea, but I wonder where exactly the entire plot will lead me. Maybe thats why this one seems slightly more enticing to me.

But then I look at the other ideas I ahve come upw ith and shrug, because i really don't know what to write. gah.

Anyways, the entire reason i am posting is for two reasons.
1. So that my friends/family/etc will know why I won't be accesible during November.
2. I want your imput.

I know that people read this blog, even if no one ever comments. People cannot resist links in other people's profiles. I am a profile link clicker, and you are too. There is the anonymous option to post. If you decide to comment and be anonymous, thats fine with me, just don't be a douchebag and be mean. I won't like that.

-allie-

I Should Write Something.

I should. I haven't written in a little while.

I am really tired, and stressed out, but thats kind of normal for me now. I am finally able to run on 5 hours of sleep a night. Not well, but i can do it.

My classes are alright. I'm getting back a really big paper on Wednesday, so i am nervous. And I have a big paper due thursday, so cross your fingers for me.

One piece of good news. I was talking to one of my ENG professors last week and he recommended that I look into continuing my English and going into literary research, which would lead me to becoming a professor! He even offered to help me, which is amazing and I am really excited about it. And he told me I was intelligent. What else could I possibly need to boost my ego? :)

The sad news is that Sped died. My wonderful, entertaining fish passed away. And the room feels smaller now. If you didn't see Sped in all his somersaulting glory, then you simply cannot understand how this fish was awesome. he had personality and he was a good listener.

But at least i still have Herman (my plant) to talk to. He has always been good company. :)

Yes, i talk to Herman, and I talked to Sped. And I think that I'm sane. But I could be wrong.

Oh, and I'm doing NaNoWriMo again this year. Less than a month to the start! I will be posting more on that later, and I will post chapters again like I did last year (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to the entries from last november). I already have the beginnings of a plot-line, but there are still kinks to be worked out. it's going to be fantasy this year! woohoo!

Anyway, off to do homework. And as always, comment!

-allie-

I AM smart!

I received a letter from the MSU history department the other day. I was nominated into an Honors Soceity for "accomplished undergraduate history majors." My professor from last spring nominated me in, and luckily, I also fit all of their GPA requirements and such too.

So yay for me!

Alright.

As of late, i have come to certain realizations on my life. Some i will share. Some I won't. Simply because I know who reads this, and not everyone who does is worthy enough to know my secrets. :)

I made a list tonight of the things I am grateful for, and put it next to my computer. I think too often I take things for granted. We all do. And perhaps because it was September 11th, or simply the way I have been feeling the last few days...I felt I should remind myself that there are things in my life that simply are, and I never asked for. I might not even deserve these things or people, but they are there. And they mean something to me, even if I might not acknowledge it every day, or as often as I should.

Among other things, God, my family, Matt, my friends, my general health, and my writing made the list.

These are the only ones I am comfortable sharing with the public. They are self-explanatory, except the last one.

I am grateful I have my writing, because without it, I would be lost. My writing is where I can get lost in myself, and confide my darkest secrets without even knowing it. Something about words can heal me, and make me forget that I ever knew what physical pain is. Give me a pen and paper, and I can write emotion and forget my own.

If I ever lost my ability to write, I would be helpless. How would I communicate my thoughts? I am somewhat articulate, but it is only through written word that I feel understood. Otherwise I don't by most. Only a select few I feel understand me. They should know who they are...

Anyway, I have been thinking about this the last few days as I have been reviewing my work on my computer. There is a lot there...but how much have I actually shown? There is a lot on this blog, if you go back and look. But in thinking these last few days, I realized that i should be sharing it more than I do.

Sharing my writing is like showing you the most intimate part of myself. Granted...most of you barely know me, so you should feel honored that i let you read. :) I have a hard time showing anyone my work. I was nervous when Vicky was in here a week ago going through my portfolio. I have never felt so open and vulnerable in all my life.

But, if someday i DO want to be published, i need to be able to share that part of myself. So I'll start here, and post things.

This is an excerpt from my novel-the one I wrote last November. This scene hasn't been posted before, so it may seem kind of random. It is. I will gradually overcome my fear...I hope. Anyway, here you go....

The warm flannel comforted our backs as we sprawled out on the grass in my backyard. My hand was in his, warmed by his skin. The stars were circling and their light comforted me. He traced small circles around my skin, raising tingles on its surface. His fingers found the simple ring he had given me and they enclosed it gently.

“Has your mom said anything to you about this?”

“No, why would she?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because it’s a ring?” I could tell he was smiling because of his tone and I grinned back.

“So? Is that a big deal?” he rolled over on top of me and I could see the starlight reflecting in the depths of his eyes.

“You better be joking.” He grinned and I felt his fingers dig into my side. Shrieking, I tickled him back. We rolled over and over on the blanket and into the grass, our laughter soaring upwards over our heads and into the sky. I heard the back door open.

“Madeline! Be quiet! People are trying to sleep!” We suppressed our giggles until the door closed, her voice echoing in the space between the houses.

Relaxing, I lay on his chest and traced circles on it with his chest, my fingers running up and down.

“Guess what I’m spelling.” I traced fingers lightly onto his chest, careful to make them clear and distinct. I watched him as a smile grew.

“I love you too Maddie.” I leaned down and kissed him, tasting the starlight on his lips.

Begin Again.

My first days at State are going well. I like the three classes I had today, which is a good sign. I just hope that these three ENG classes are a good idea...but one of the ones I had today seemed easy enough.

My room is finally beautified and comfy. And I like it very much. Cameron came and decorated. Matt bought me two fish, which like their little tank on my futon. I named one Sped. It's a very special fish. It likes to roll over like a dog. And the other one is on the mean side. He doesn't like Sped very much and chases him around. Poor Sped. I need a name for the mean one. he's white if that helps any.

Other than that, nothing too exciting going on. Just school and sorority stuff. And the first football game on Saturday! yes!

-allie-

Summer Reading

The following is what i read this summer...I did a lot of it at work. :)

-The Shop on Blossom Street: by Debbie Macomber, 395 pages

-The Woman Next Door: by Barbara Delinsky, 371 pages

-The Calhouns-Catherine, Amanda, and Lilah (3 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 601 pages

-The Calhouns-Suzanna and Megan: By Nora Roberts, 490 pages

-Risky Business: by Nora Roberts, 209 pages

-Storm Warning: by Nora Roberts, 136 pages

-The Welcoming: by Nora Roberts, 191 pages

-Girls in Pants-The Third Summer of the Sisterhood: by Ann Brashares, 338 pages

-The Magician’s Nephew: by C.S. Lewis, 221 pages

-The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: by C.S. Lewis, 206 pages

-The Horse and His Boy: by C.S. Lewis, 241 pages

-Prince Caspian: by C.S. Lewis, 238 pages

-The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: by C.S. Lewis, 271 pages

-The Silver Chair: by C.S. Lewis, 257 pages

-The Last Battle: by C.S. Lewis, 228 pages

-Flying in Place: by Susan Palwick, 177 pages

-Our Lady of the Forest: by David Guterson, 323 pages

-Dangerous (3 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 536 pages

-Rules of Play (2 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 425 pages

-The War of the Worlds: by H. G. Wells, 231 pages

-Reflections and Dreams (2 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 505 pages

-Lucky: by Alice Sebold, 246 pages

-Elusive (3 books in one): by Kay Hooper, 506 pages

-Born O’Hurley (2 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 459 pages

-O’Hurley’s Return (2 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 491 pages

-This Lullaby: by Sarah Dessen, 345 pages

-Brave New World: by Aldous Huxley, 268 pages

-Reunion (2 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 507 pages

-The Gift: by Nora Roberts, 217 pages

-All He Ever Wanted: by Anita Shreve, 310 pages

-My Sister’s Keeper: by Jodi Picoult, 423 pages

-Magic Street: by Orson Scott Card, 397 pages

-Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: by J. K. Rowling, 652 pages

-Truly, Madly Manhattan (2 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 475 pages

-The City of Ember: by Jeanne DuPrau, 270 pages

-The People of Sparks: by Jeanne DuPrau, 338 pages

-A Little Magic (3 books in one): by Nora Roberts, 293 pages

-Eragon: by Christopher Paolini, 509 pages

-Hawksong: by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, 243 pages

-Ranger’s Apprentice Book One-The Ruins of Gorlan: by John Flanagan, 249 pages

-Howl’s Moving Castle: by Diana Wynne Jones, 329 pages

-Castle in the Air: by Diana Wynne Jones, 298 pages

-The Worthing Saga: by Orson Scott Card, 463 pages

Total Pages Read: 14,878

Again.

"You don't always have to be what they want you to be.

I happen to like being adored, thank you."

Who can tell me where that quote is from?

I haven't written in over a month. Perhaps its my busy schedule, or the fact I simply don't care to write, as nothing has happened in my life worth mentioning. Or I simply don't want to mention it to you.

I've had some brushes with the past lately. Running into someone I definately didn't want to see at taco bell, then seeing someone at work. gah. I hate high school crap.

I really want school to start so I won't have to deal with crap anymore, and i can get away. At least i have this week off. Tomorrow, Shelby, Eric, and me are heading to Gaylord and the cottage. I need a getaway.

I have been reading a lot. A lot of good books, and some crappy romance mixed in too. I finally realized why i like romance. Because its impossible and romance, in the way its protrayed in the novels, doesn't happen like that. It's all too perfect and planned out. I prefer the spontenaity and random romance that comes in real life. The kind where its okay to giggle and feel slightly uncomfortable. The kind of relationship I have with matt. We laugh, a lot. I think thats a good thing.

It'll be three years on the 7th. THREE YEARS! It's amazing and I am still in love with him. yay for us! And a big "screw you" to those who doubted. Like I said before, we still know how to have fun, how to laugh and how to be ourselves. I think thats key to any relationship working. And we're still honest with each other. And yes, we fight, but fighting is healthy.

we have a solid relationship.

Enough of that. We had poker night number 2 last night. I kicked some major boo-tay! After last week's disappointing loss to Lauren, Eric taught me how to play. hahaha. He shouldn't have done that. Eight of us played last night, and i walked away being the winner and with $40 in my pocket. *dances* It felt good to win and "outsmart" the other players. If anyone ever wants to join a game, give me a call on Sundays and you can join in. It's $5 to play and its a blast!

other than that, I have been working hard and making some dinero. matt also got a new job, at Meadowbrook Dodge and he is much happier than he was. he also got a brand new Hemi Ram and is more than ecstatic about it. I am happy for him. Does anyone remember the gray S-10? man oh man. Let's say I like the new truck much better. It has heat. And the alternator is in place. :)

Speaking of trucks, does anyone want to buy his 1976 Power Wagon?

Anyway, life is treating me good. Have some medical issues going on that are kind of frustrating. I hope things get figured out soon. I really do hate going to the Doctors. Perhaps its because I am there so often?

*sigh* Remember my novel from november? I am making progress on finishing it. if anyone wants to read it when I am done, or if anyone is willing to edit it, let me know. I'm sure that it sucks, so just don't be too harsh. :)

Off I go....and leave some love, or comments. Whichever you prefer....

-allie-

Back Home Again

I've been home for a little over a week. Which composed of a trip to good Old CP (cedar point) on monday. Let's not talk about my "incident" on Dragster. *ahem*

I started work again on Wednesday. Which is fine. Really boring. Good times at Spencer Park don't start until June. Yesterday, we watched Star Wars...then took a little jaunt down to Baldwina dn Brown road to go to the Marine Division of the Oakland County Sherriff, then sat around and talked to Bob (my boss) for awhile. Good times. I did move cement parking bumpers with the guys yesterday, so i did do some work. Even IF it only took us 30 minutes. We swept too...and weeded a little until Bob made us go into the office to play euchre. How I love Spencer park...

there is a real jerk working there, his last day is tomorrow (sat) so i am glad he is leaving. He brought three little bottles of vodka to work on monday the guys said and wanted to drink. moron. He's older, 23, and seems to just be a suck up...gah. stupid boys.

It was fun yesterday and today. The other girls haven't come back to work yet so it was me and the guys. It is HILARIOUS to listen to guys talking. yes indeed. They crack me up.

i should mention that Danny and me are on the Light side of the Force. We get light sabers... we rock. Even is Danny wants a light blue one. :) Everyone else is on the Dark Side...goodness. I love work.

Anyway, nothing else exciting is going on. I'm just glad i got to start work early and am making money, even if I did come home today after only working 2 1/2 hours...I had a migraine. poo on that.

My sister is making her confirmation tomorrow, so family party at the goedtels! woohoo! I'm her sponser...good times, good times.

I feel like crap and my BF is in florida. jerk. At least he'll come back and be all tan while my shoulders are peeling from the sunburn i got on monday. he owes me for leaving. And for going to Bolivia in July. grrr.

Speaking of trips. the big bro is in Europe...haven't heard from him in a couple days. I hope the French people don't hate him...lol. (he was in Paris last time he called). it cracks me up that he spent $25 for Subway. ridiculous.

anyway, off to bed I go...i feel like poop. Keep in touch people, leave comments (i like comments. they make me smile)

-allie-

Productivity

I am proud of myself...except that i have staye dup past 4 the last two nights...working on crap. Saturday night I was up late doing pointless cleaning, and because i couldn't sleep. I ended up watching "Ice Age," and "My Best Friend's Wedding." good times in 216....

Yesterday, i spent a great deal of time dealing with the virus my screen name sent out to everyone. It was frustrating, ecsepcially because i needed to work on my portfolio...but i got rid of it after 3 1/2 hours and it was all good.

Yeah, I definately stayed up till past 415 (which was when i crawled into bed) working on my portfolio, which was awesome. I think my professor really like the theme, and the stuff I pulled out of my butt during my presentation today. Major points there!

Whats left?

• IAH 211C paper
• HST 334 essay exam (ick)
• ENG 310B quotations exam (ick again)
• ISS 320 Exam (EASY!)
• Short one page paper for HST

And its.....very early on tuesday morning. gah. So...being the smart girl I am, i outlined my paper already, the long one. But I am not at all worried about that class. I have a 4.0...HA!

I'm a little worried about the ENG exam. quotations? ridiculous...i can't handle quotations! At least HST is studyable (is that a word? well...now it is) and ISS is easy. And the paper for HST is easy too (what i learned...blah blah blah kinda stuff).

At least ALL my stuff is packed up. I worked for almost FOUR hours tonight packing up my stuff. My mom is coming up tomorrow morning with Dave to take it all home... *sigh* I did take a break for the last ten minutes of Bachelor, and all of the Inferno...how i <3>

But tomorrow night? No TV for me, its going home... *SIGH* what do i do without TV? no idea.

perhaps I'll study...thats a novel idea. :)

I feel as if this is another distraction...but...you know...I really don't feel like writing that paper. I might pop in some pointless entertainment...like...hmm...what am i in the mood for?

Maybe Chocolat.....haven't watched it in awhile....or...hmmm. XXX? hahahaha. no.

Wow, this is the most pointless entry of my life. And I have abused the "..."s a little too much! TOO BAD! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

gah. time for a movie...and some dishes that need to be washed.

yuck. dishes.

-allie-

Alone

I think my personality warrants me time to myself.

I do better on my own, away from the crowd, the drama.

I am in an odd mood. I don't know why. perhaps it stems from my overall emotions the last couple weeks. Seeing the school year come to an end, watching my roommate moving out yesterday, and knowing that i somehow seem to be apart from it all.

It's just a weird feeling...that I simply don't belong here anymore. I don't feel as if i "fit."

This might only be because i am listening to the kind of music that merits this kind of thinking. Or that my brain is fried from homework and studying and the portfolio that is due Monday at 10.

Or it could be the short phone conversation i had with an old friend on thursday night that made me think about where i was headed.

or perhaps its because my subconcious has been trying to tell me to take some time apart from everyone. And I finally did today. I shelled myself up in my room. Yeah, i studied, i talked to matt. But it was nice, to be apart from the world for a little while, and forget all those distractions.

And now, I simply feel hollow. And I don't know how to fill that void.

Only 5 days until i leave.

thank goodness.

Funniest Moment of the Week:

We were sitting in the library today, and by we i mean my ENG 310B group.

We were discussing our beautiful project and i somehow came up with the key to tie it all together, so we don't fail.

Eric, one of the members, turns to me and says,

"You are definately the smartest and most articulate sorority girl I have ever met."

hahahahaha....THAT is sad.

-allie-

grumble, grumble.

I feel as if I am always behind. Perhaps because I am behind. And I will be until I kick my butt into gear.

Basically, this week is another crappy one. Why is that? Oh, because I have put off two very big things...egads.

First, I have a 16 page partner paper due Thursday and a meeting with Kevin tomorrow so we can write the rest of it. Erm, is my part written? Of course not. Granted, the paper is an explanation and description of my experiences at good old Sexton High School from service learning. I can bang out my 6-7 pages in an hour and a half tonight.

I also have that 20 page history paper due Friday. I already have the eight I wrote for the rough draft. This is the hardest one, seeing as I had to struggle to get those eight pages, where am I going to find another 12? (And the really sad part is that the paper includes my footnotes. And the footnotes probably equal a page, so technically, I only have seven pages of actual material. gah!)

Lastly, I have a Mexican immigration paper, where the instructions aren't all that clear. Ick. But I am doing very well in that class (103%!!!!) so...I should be alright...Hopefully.

To put on top of that, next Monday night, I have a presentation for my English class. My group is meeting Thursday night, I have to do the power point Wednesday night so we can go over it Thursday at our meeting. egads.

I also have 500 pages of HST reading(and yes, that's reading JUST for this week) because my professor has the audacity to believe that college students have time to read that much crap ON TOP of writing the 20 page paper he assigned and is due Friday.

so yes, welcome to my own little corner of hell on earth. If I can keep ahead of schedule (HA!) I should be okay and get through the week, hopefully still breathing.

Did I mention I don't have time to work on the papers Friday, seeing as I have Special Olympics in the morning and formal to get ready for? RAR! I already got a Monster from barista. I have a feeling the people in Barista are going to know me very well by the end of the week.

"Can I get two more energy drinks please?"

Yeah, exactly.

Wish me luck!

-allie-

Still Sick :(

I still feel like crap and i think Olin is full of poop. I may just go to my regular doctor on Friday. The guya t Olin said I should feel a lot better by today. And do i? No. My throat hurts just as much as it did on Sunday when i went to bed.

The ebst part of this whole sickness crap is that i just can't sleep. While I'm pooped all the time, i can't stay asleep the entire night. i know i woke up last night, simply because I was in so much pain. Grr. I need some sleeping pills. Going on 2 weeks with minimal to no sleep isn't healthy, and that's probably how i got sick in the first place.

Oh. I started coughing in the shower this morning. I pulled my hand away from my mouth and there was a big clot of blood. Yeah. That't not healthy. I feel like my throat is being stabbed with a knife.

The worst part is I'm hungry, but then after i eat, i get all queasy feeling. Poop. I love food. And it loves me and wants to stay in my belly. At least it has, so far. but if i cough up any more blood...perhaps i should be a touch concerned.

I really like being a part of the house. I have never had a close group of girl friends, like this.

While i do have a sister, it's a touch different in the house. I now have older sisters, sisters around my age that i can talk to and be friends with. It's a completely different experience than anything i have had before.

While band was fun, we were all never close. True, my friends were in band, but the bond we had was quite different. It centered around the organization, and in the last year, it wasn't fun for me.

In softball...well, i didn't really like the girls. They were caddy, and dumb. And dumb. And we never were "friends."

Now, I have people i can rely on. It's a good feeling to know that I am finally accepted for who I am, and I don't have to pretend anything. I can be my normal old self, and feel right there.

In other news...ummm, ONLY THREE MORE WEEKS OF CLASS! Why had no one told me that i'm almost done? YAY! too bad i have two more years and that one year UNPAID internship to go through yet. Grrr. I just want to grow up already. :(

Finals week isn't looking to bad for me. They're all spaced out, and one is a presentation. And my english one is a multiple choice exam. ? Yeah, that should be interesting.

OH! I would also like to mention that I received another 100 in my IAH class. Yeah, i haven't missed ANY points in that class. Currently, i have a 103 in that class. WOOHOO for me! (and i really feel like i don't deserve the grade, but i'm not going to complain...nopers.)

i should start studying again. I have an ISS exam, then stuff at the house and then study hours until 11. yay!

-allie-

Lots Going On

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Gangs

On tuesdays/thursdays, I tutor at an inner city Lansing high school. When i pulled into the lot on tuesday, I noticed a lot of police cars, more than usual. Shaking it off I entered the school. There were DOZENS of police officers lining the halls. I shook it off and went to check in at the office.

"is there anything going on I should know about?"

"There was a little fight today. I'll have security walk you down to the room." I have never had anyone walk me down to the room. Soon, 2 big, black police officers came and walked on either side of me to the tutoring room. i went in and greeted Kevin, a fellow tutor. We only had one kid and when we left, the officers walked us to our cars, and made sure i locked mine after I got in.

I pushed it aside, until yesterday. I got an e-mail from my supervisor, Paulo. he asked if we had any questions about the "incident" at the school. I said i noticed the officers, etc. What was going on?

He wrote me an e-mail back, saying that there was a skirmish between two gangs at the school. A couple knives were pulled, etc. A kid kicked an officer, there was blood, you get the idea. Apparently, according to him, there has been a lot of gang activity in the school, concerning the "white" gang, and the "black" gang and centering around a group of white girls...should i say more?? He told me not to worry, sercurity would be stepped up. But, if i felt uncomfortable going back, i should let him know. The school already told him they would understand.

i went back today, again escorted from the parking lot, to the office, and to the tutoring room, where an officer stayed by the door. A regular kid of mine, Jayvon gave me a big hug and said he was glad i decided to come back.

?

I asked him why he was surprised.

"You're a white girl."

I can't stop thinking about that. True, I am a minority in the school, but i never thought it would have that kind of affect. he told me a little more about the fight, all the dozens of kids being suspended, the numbers of kids who were being arrested and ticketed. but he said he was glad I was there.

And we worked on his english for an hour before i left, escorted out to my car by the officer.

I have never felt this way. I love working with the kids. They are all good kids. jayvon told me, "I wouldn't never get mixed up in that s***." And I told him i was proud of him for that, to keep working hard so he can go to college like he wants to. He wants out of that kind of lifestyle. he told me another time his older brother was in jail for robbery.

It makes me sad. That there are situations like this, happening in schools. But then there are kids like Jayvon, who work hard and do their best. And that makes me happy.

Kevin, another tutor, also asked why i would come back, after finding out what caused all this violence. Honestly, i don't know. But i don't feel like I should punish kids like Jayvon for the actions their peers commit. It wouldn't be fair of me to place judgement, and say i no longer feel safe in a "black" school. So...I'll continue tutoring there, as long as there is an officer at my side...

-allie-

School is fun!

not really, I was being sarcastic.

Anyway...life is good. My classes are doing alright too. I just hate the fact that professors pile on so much at the end of the year. my schedule is a tad hectic. Like that 20 page paper due next wednesday...yeah...at least I have a topic! Or, i got a professor approved topic. Anyone know something about Jane Wenham? anyone? Yeah, i don't know anything either.

I also have to research archaeological (totally slaughtered the spelling?) digging in Pompeii in the 18th century for my english class. I would rather write another paper...on...something that actually HAS to do with English. yeah, definately.

hmm, but other than that...nothing TOO exciting or out of the ordinary has happened. I lead a boring life. sorry. No entertainment for you! Well, if me stressing out, pulling out hair, going blind from reading, and going through two highlighters a week is entertainment, welcome to the front row. :)

But to be honest, i like being busy. keeps me on my toes. I mean, who doesn't want to do all that i do? Lol. Just KIDDING! but seriously, I function best under stress, not INSANE amounts, but I get more done, i'm productive when I'm stressed out. (the philosophy being, if i have more free time, i sit on my bum. Being stressed makes me move around and get working on stuff. Its good for me!) And wasn't there a study done that proved that some stress is good for you?

wow, i went off on a tangent...ahem.

Anyway, i should be reading. i have to read, "White Teacher," for tomorrow. it looks interesting...but um...I would rather play Sims 2. I still need to get the University expansion. My brother owns and its the best thing ever! Who wouldn't want to make their Sims throw toga parties? i would! And...the best part:

You can create your own "greek" houses. My goodness...what fun!!

Now that I sound like a COMPLETE nerd...(which I am), I'm going to read....or do something productive!

-allie-

(that little word down there? thats says comments? Click it...and write me a pretty note! and don't forget to sign your name!!!)

"Just Keep Swimming..."

Still getting by, or at least i think i am.

life is going good.

School is alright, nothing worthy of mentioning.

I miss my jen-nay. :( I just want to hug her and giggle, and eat peanut butter....

anyway, just thought i should write...something...

-allie-

Less Than Awesome

feeling five steps above overwhelmed.

pray for me.

Blast From the Past

in 7th grade, i loved my english teacher. She was quirky, and fun, and helped me develop my writing. My younger sister is in her class now as an 8th grader, and my mom went to conferences last night.

She said she mentioned to Mrs. Fitzgerald that I was accepted to the College of Education at MSU. Mrs. Fitzgerald then asked my mom if I had to do an internship. My mom said yes, and Mrs. Fitzgerald said, "Tell Allie i would love to have her, if she wants to do her internship here with me."

heck yeah i would! granted, i want to teach high school, but to work with Mrs. Fitzgerald? you bet i want to! Too bad the internship is two years away. nuts. but, i'm excited. And I am definately going to put in that request, because we can choose where we want to go. I'm already uber-excited.

Anyway, other things are going well. SPRING BREAK IS HERE! but only after i finish this paper...

allie

Randomness

I got my big sister last night. :D I love her, she's so cute and she bought me presents. I really think that pledging is becoming one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Hopefully, I might finally come out of my shell and be myself.

I'm just a tad more than stressed...maybe I should call it SUPERSTRESSED! I've got the two exams today, one tomorrow, and a seven page paper due friday by 5. I'm actually not worried about the paper...i can bang it out in 2 hours or so. I AM worried about the one at three today. Reformation Europe. it even sounds hard. ick. Who is Jakob Fugger again? Yeah, thats what i thought. I don't know either.

Anyway, nothing else particularly exciting is going on. I planned out my schedule for next year, and let me tell you, I'm taking some FUN classes. (Socio-Linguistic studies for Children? anyone?) But its all good. I'm relieved that i have a future now. What was I going to do with two bachelor's in English and History?

Speaking of bachelors, and the Bachelorette, I was very upset with her on Monday night. DUMB WOMAN! Anyway, no more reality TV rants from me...(even my mom was mad at her).

Ahem. THREE MORE DAYS TILL SPRING BREAK! yay! Let's hope the snow melts so i can get a tan in Rochester. But I highly doubt a warm front is going to move in with 80 degree temperatures.

I need to get back to studying, but I love you all.

-allie-

YAY!

I got into College of Education!
WOOHOO FOR ME!

Sooner or Later

It's sooner now...not later. I can no longer push it aside, because the moment of truth is coming next week. I don't know what day, what time, but it's there, looming over me.

And I still have no idea whether or not I'm going to get in. *sigh* I guess I need to start praying.

Life, in other aspects, is good. We started our dance for serenades last night at the house, and its a blast. I met the other ten pledges and they are all hilarious. it was a good time. Except...I need to learn how to do a body roll. Lol. Me dancing, what a sight...

I did show Sam some of my moves last night, and she laughed. I don't want to hear laughing when I'm dancing! Thats not a good sign! And to think, I have to do this dance in 20 frat houses. Goodness.

And one of the frat houses has both my cousin Ryan, and a guy on my floor in it. Oh the embarassment. :) Really, it is fun, ecspecially since we're dancing to Journey. how awesome is that?

but yeah, i got my TE paper back! 4.0 baby! So I'm 2/2 on my papers. I'm getting one back in my english class tomorrow, and might be getting my HST one back today. EEK! Who knows, maybe I'll be 4/4? But I doubt it, ecspecially on the english one.

Anyway, off I go to do some homework. just pray next week, okay? I'm going to need it, either way.

-allie-

A Much Needed Update

I haven't written in here for awhile, so i thought I should. Mainly because I guess last night at the girl's apartment, my "secret" came out. So, I feel a need to write about it.

I'm pledging a sorority.

And I like it.

So there.

In all honesty, I never thought I would. Come on, me? But, I went to one of their open house things, and I love the girls. They're down to earth and sweet. And I need something to do besides sitting on my bum in my room. So, I'll deal with the name calling and the "What the heck are you doing?" from everyone I know. Who thinks they know me.

I have never been one who would do something this sudden. But I'm happy with my choice and I think, in the long run, it'll help me. Perhaps I'll come out of my shell a little. I can be shy sometimes, even if you don't see it all the time. Hopefully, I make new friends, and learn more about myself in the process.

You might be shaking your head saying, "Allie, what are you doing?" Eh, I thought that too. But I guess sometimes things happen, experiences happen to you, and try as you might, there isn't a good explanation for why it happened. So, this is what I'm doing. I have already been criticized and made fun of, so if you want to jump on that bandwagon, go ahead.

There is another, smaller, crappier bandwagon of people actually supporting me. They could use some members over there too.

I have never done anything so completely out of my element. This is a long way from Sigma Tau Delta of last year. I guess that I really might become (yeah right) the person we all make fun of.

But I'm okay with that.

allie

Hurm.

i finished one of the hardest weeks of school, even though, looking back on it, I really wasn't too stressed and maybe i shoudl have been.

So, the countdown is at less than 4 weeks. I then find out whether or not I go into the College of Education. And I really don't think i did get in. But I don't know if that bothers me or not. I don't know if i really want to become a teacher, or whether i want to be something else.

But i can't survive on my writing alone.

I guess I still have to wait and see, like i have been doing since October. But now, its a lot closer. And I'm not as nervous.

Funny how that worked out.

allie

Valentine's Day

* I did not write this, but I find it heartfelt and true. I think this is something we should all reflect on, single, or not. Anyway, I just plain and simple liked this column, although I do not know the author. It did get a little messed up when I copied and pasted it, so too bad.*

In three days, our relationships will begin to feel like chocolate-coated prisons, and our souls will be crushed under the weight of clichés. Guys who are waiting until after Valentine's Day to break up with their girlfriends will be giving stale chocolate candies and flowers taken from graves, and those who are trying toprove their love for that special girl will be giving yellow-gold andsalt-grain sized diamonds from K-Mart.

My most memorable Valentine's Day was when I got a snow-globe-style necklace and box of candy in the fourth grade from my dad. My second most memorable was when my (now-ex) boyfriend showed up at my house and handed me a piece of paper. I turned it over in my hands, anxious to see if it was a gift certificate for a manicure, a ticket to a concert, or... a flier for a discounted car wash. "This was on your front porch," he said.

The rest of my Valentine's Days have been spent either flipping through the STD section of my health book and silently wishing all the lovey couples I saw a "Happy VD!" or hanging out with single friends, eating ice cream and watching non-romantic comedies.

So what is Valentine's Day? I'm not entirely sure, but I do know three things it is not.

1. Valentine's Day is not a day to prove your love.

It's no secret that this day has been exploited by greeting card companies, florists, and that Harry Richie guy to make up for the lack of sales between Christmas and Easter. They preach that Valentine's Day is a day to prove your love, and if you really care about someone you'll get them a card designed by a middle-aged woman that is an accurate expression of your innermost feelings. And you'll spend a ridiculous amount of money on a dozen red roses that will wither and fade, as love tends to do. And then there is the jewelry. I heard a radio ad today that urged men to buy her this special limited-edition 3 diamond ring, where each stone stood for something about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, unless it stands for"Now I'm Broke."

2. Valentine's Day is not about opportunity.

I always find it fantastically annoying when a girl tells me she's been dropping hints since Christmas and knows for sure she's getting aTiffany's tag bracelet or Dooney & Bourke charm bag. First of all,when did February 14th turn into a day of opportunity and second, if you are going to treat it as such, why ask for a crappy status symbol? But it isn't just the girls. A lot of guys approach Valentine's Day in the same manner they did prom night. And so they give the girl a $10 limit at Dennys, tell her she looks nice, mumble something about love if they have to, and hope to get some.

3. Valentine's Day is not a test.

We all know that Valentine's Day triggers the crazy, especially in the girls who use what they get on this day to gauge what their significant other thinks about them. Flowers and chocolate? He's into you. Flowers, no chocolate? He thinks you're fat. Rose petals, Barry Manilow and a stuffed dog that barks out compliments when you squeeze his paw? Oh my gosh! You'll be engaged by spring!

So if Valentine's Day isn't about proving your love, testing your love, or getting something for yourself, then what is it about? Let'stake a brief look at the history of the holiday. In 270 A.D., the emperor or Rome felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, would not make good soldiers. So he banned marriage. St. Valentine, a bishop, saw the heartache this caused young lovers, and so he met them in secret places and married them. And then they killed him. But the point is, St. Valentine worked to keep young lovers together. And so maybe that's all Valentine's Day ought to be about: "being together."

February 14th is a day set aside to appreciate the person you take for granted the other 364 days of the year and to show them that appreciation. You don't have to spend a lot of money; you don't even have to spend any. Pick crummy field flowers. Bake a heart-shaped pizza. Go out to dinner and happily complain to one another about how horrible it is that Valentine's Day has become so commercialized. Do whatever. Just enjoy being together.

For those who are single, there is often a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. On the one hand, it is the one day of the year when everyone at the bars is single… but, then again, it's also the one day of the year you wish you weren't there, rolling your eyes and complaining about being single. But, hey, there are always plenty of fabulous single people with whom you can celebrate your mutual un-tied-down status.

If you have a relationship this Valentine's Day, forget the drama and trying to figure out what he's trying to tell you with a mixed bouquet of yellow-and-red roses or what she really meant when she said,"Pizza? Awesome." And just enjoy being together.